Greg: What’s going on everyone? It is Matt and Greg here from Project Unbroken. As you know, we’re former heroin addicts and we had a question that someone was asking, “You’ve been out of heroin …” I guess Matt’s been 10 years ago?
Matt: Yeah.
Greg: I’ve been about seven years or so. They’re like, “Well, if you did heroin again, would you instantly be addicted? Would you instantly be back into heroin addiction?”
Greg: We might each have separate answers, but I’m going to start with Matt. What do you think would happen if you did heroin again right now?
Matt: I’d love to say that, no, I’d be all right. I’ve learned enough over the last 10 years. I think I could manage it. But, I have relapsed and that’s what I thought when I relapsed. Again, I’m more removed from it at least time wise than I ever have been before, but when you asked that question there was a sinking feeling in the back of my head where I was like, “Yeah, I got that.”
Greg: Yeah.
Matt: I could do it.
Greg: And we’ve said that to ourselves a lot before.
Matt: Yeah. But, I also, I remember the feeling of when I would relapse and I would go and in my mind I would have the best intentions of being like, “This is just one time. I haven’t done it in months or a year, whatever it is.” Then immediately I would hit the guy back and I would be like, “Hey, you still around?”
Greg: Yeah.
Matt: Luckily I was able to catch myself before it ever spiraled out of control again. But I don’t know, I can’t … I mean, I would not try it out. I wouldn’t test that.
Greg: Yeah. So, I had to really think about this one. You know, I think now I’m a dad and I’ve got multiple businesses I run. I’m in shape. I’m like, “No way.” Like, “If I did it I would be okay.”
Greg: But I really got to thinking about all those times I relapsed and all that and I really sat and thought about this one. Honestly, I think if I did it again and it was easily accessible, if it was say Matt did it or something and I knew he had it. He’s the one that’s close to me where I could easily get it. I would say I would be right back in my addiction even though I am where I am.
Greg: I don’t like saying that but I think I would be. It would never happen because I would never do it again. But, I believe if I did it again and it was easy to be accessed, I think I would be right back in that addiction.
Greg: Now, if I went on vacation or something and let’s say I did it on vacation and I just met someone after I had it at a club one night or whatever the case and I did it and I came home. I don’t think I would be back in my addiction because I know I’m in a place where I wouldn’t go looking for it. But, let’s say even like a family member starts doing it and I did it once and I knew it was in my house, that would be trouble. That’d be serious trouble.
Matt: Well, that gets back to a lot of what you and I talk about as far as your social circles, or your environment and it being like you said easily accessible. I agree. First of all, every time I have relapsed, as soon as I ingested whatever it is, whether it was dope or pills or whatever, first of all I didn’t enjoy it. It was like, “Fuck!” Like, “What the fuck did I do?”
Matt: I guess I know that now. So even if I was on vacation and it popped up, I can’t see me really being intrigued about trying that. But, I can see your point about coming back and it’s just out of sight out of mind. I’m not going to go looking for it.
Greg: Yeah, at the same time though if I went on vacation or something and did it and came back, even though I don’t think I’d be back in the addiction, I’d be kicking myself bad.
Matt: Yeah.
Greg: Especially being seven years clean, was it worth it? Like, I’m an idiot.
Matt: Yeah.
Greg: Like, I’m just stupid. But, you know, if I did it again and it was someone like Matt or a family member who was close to me and it was always around-
Matt: That’d be trouble.
Greg: Once you do it once it’s like, “Well, I can do it one more time.” Like I know, I just, I remember. I would like to think that I’m strong enough and far enough away from it but the heroin draw is so strong. You just want it so bad after you do it once. You can really trick yourself. You’re like, “Just one more time. It’s one last time and that’s it” Then you get in that cycle where you do it a couple more times and you forget that you said, “Just one more time.” Then it’s one more time and then you’re doing it every day.
Greg: By that time, you’re physically addicted to it-
Matt: You’re in it.
Greg: … and you’re fucked.
Matt: Yeah, it’s easy to rationalize doing it again. Once you taste it, it’s like, “Well, why not?” You know, “This will be it. This is the last time. I just have this and then I’ll get clean over the weekend and be good by Monday.” You will tell yourself whatever you want to here.
Greg: I think it also depends on the personality. It depends on what kind of personality the person has. We’re pretty strong willed, both of us. If we’re both saying we would probably end up back in the addiction, I think most people would if it was easily around you. I think there’s definitely a lot of people out there that would go on vacation, get it, and then come back and look for it as well.
Matt: Yeah.
Greg: You know what I mean? That’s not something we would do but I think a lot of people would do that as well.
Matt: And shit, I don’t know. I might.
Greg: You might.
Matt: I don’t know.
Greg: Yeah.
Matt: So, either way, vacation or at home I’m not testing it. We know how good it feels to be this far away from it.
Greg: Yeah.
Matt: But, if it was I’m not sure.
Greg: I think to make the … I guess the question was “If you did heroin would you instantly be addicted again?” In a way, yes, because you’re instantly going to want it again even if you don’t get back in the addiction.
Matt: It’d be in your head.
Greg: Yes, you’re going to be instantly addicted again. I would say for most people they’ll be back fully in the addiction once they do it once.
Matt: I would agree. Absolutely.
Greg: All right. Cool.
Matt: All right, guys, thanks for watching. If you have any questions, comments, let us know. Hit us up in the comments section or on our website at projectunbroken.com. We look forward to talking to you soon.
