Greg:
What’s going on everyone? It’s Greg here. Hope you like my new shirt. Welcome to Project Unbroken. So today I got a new question in for me specifically and this person knew that I’d been an addict obviously. I’ve been telling the world, I used to be a heroin addict and do all these drugs.
Then also my fiance’ was an alcoholic, had issues with alcohol, however you want to put it. Well she hasn’t had alcohol now in over nine months. So they asked me, was it harder being the addict or was it harder being the loved one of the addict? Now there’s certain situations where each are more difficult in themselves, but in the end for me I think that being the loved one of the addict is tougher.
There’s a situation I didn’t go through, which is having a child in addiction, which I can imagine is even worse than having a husband or a wife or boyfriend, girlfriend, fiance’, whatever the case is, or another loved one that’s in an addiction. You’re kind of battling with them being the person that’s sober. Obviously nothings above your child, so I can imagine how it would be even harder than what I went through.
Even with that said, just with her going through it, I would still say that being the loved one is tougher. The reason is to an extent you don’t have control of what they decide, right? Now, you do have control of making their life more difficult. You definitely … We’ve talked about … Matt and I’ve talked about this in other videos, where you don’t want to make things easy for the addict.
The easier you make things for an addict, the more that their going to associate easy with addiction, so the more likely they are to not stop using. So if you keep providing them money, and providing them endless love and endless support whatever the case is, why are they going to quit? There not going to, right?
So to an extent, you do have control of their addiction where you could do things that would make it tougher on them and make it more likely for them to quit, but at the same time you don’t have control over their final decision. You don’t have control over what they decide to do. It’s totally up to them.
For me, that sucks. Being in that situation sucks when it’s really … In the end you don’t have the say, they have the say. When you’re the addict, you have to go through things more obviously head on and you experience them first hand and maybe you’re the one that has to go through the plan.
When you’re a loved one, you go through pain with them, but I’m talking about the actual withdraw symptoms, or just the feeling depressed in the initial stages and all that. As an addict you got to first hand go through that, you still go through it as a loved one, but when you’re the addict it’s even worse because it’s constantly there, whereas when you’re the loved on you might get little breaks here and there.
In that way being the addict sucks more, but when you’re the addict, you’re the one that has control. In the end, you’re the one that decides that I want to change my life and I’m going to turn things around, I’m going to start making this. Yeah, it sucks to go through those changes, but you are still the one that’s in control. When it’s a loved one that has the problem, in the end again it’s their decision and you’re just kind of … You’re not … You could influence their decision but in the end, you’re not the one that makes the end decision, they are.
It’s a tough spot to be in and I could just feel for the parents out there that have a child in addiction where the child just won’t stop using. We’ve done videos on what we would do specifically in that case, which you may want to check out. To answer that question, honestly I think it’s harder to be the loved on of the addict, because in the end you just aren’t the one that has the say. The addict is and it can be tough because, like I said, you do go through the addiction with the addict. You do go through the pain. You may not experience it first hand, the same things their experiencing, but it’s constant worrying.
It’s constant wondering where they are, what their doing, what their lying about, are they okay, why aren’t they answering their phone. It sucks. Being a loved one of addict really sucks. Again, if it’s your kid and it’s like … I mean theirs no love greater than a child so I can’t even imagine being in that situation.
It’s bad enough where it’s fiance’, husband, wife, something like that. Yeah that’s my thoughts and I honestly think it’s hard to be the loved one. I feel for all the people out there that have a loved one that is an addict, but remember there is definitely things you can do to help get that person out of their addiction. Like I talked about in this video, making things more difficult on them is going to make them see their addiction as more difficult. Okay?
The more you enable them the more their going to stay in their addiction. Hopefully this helps answer your question on is it harder to be the addict or the loved one of the addict.
Honestly both suck. I don’t want to really be either, but if I had to pick I would rather be the addict and then have to get out of it myself, because at least I have the choice and it’s up to me to come out of the addiction. Whereas if it’s a love one, it’s totally up to them.
Luckily my fiance’ is awesome. She’s strong. She wanted to get out of her addiction. She didn’t want to drink anymore, so she got out of it. So it worked out, but I can’t imagine if she took the other road and she didn’t want to. It would of sucked. That would’ve been a tough pill to swallow and would have been a tough situation to deal with. Hopefully that answers your question on is it harder to be the addict or the loved one of the addict.
You have anymore questions like this let me know and I’ll see you on the next video. Make sure you subscribe. See you all soon.
