Matt: What’s going on guys, this is Matt and Greg with Project Unbroken. Today we wanted to talk about relapsing and if you’re thinking about getting back on heroin. I know that Greg and I attempted to quit heroin several times and we would get maybe a week into it. That’s about as far as we’ve ever gotten I think … And then we would be like, “All right, we got this under control. Let’s give it a shot.” I know that some people are even a little bit further removed from heroin, maybe they’re on a maintenance program and you’re a couple weeks out or a couple of months out from your last time using. A lot of times, stressful situations come up or this false sense of security like you got it under control, or maybe even just the feeling of like, “Hey, you know what, life for me is better with heroin.” What do you think?
Greg: I think that if you’re thinking about using it right now, you got to stop. Stop and think about what’s going on, because I’ve been through this myself, I know Matt’s been through this hundreds of times. Where I would be good for a week, two sometimes. Even a couple of days I’d be like, “Well, I can control it now, I’ve got this. Just one more time, let me use again and maybe I’ll just do once a week.” Really what we’re doing is we’re trick ourselves into using again. If you want to quit, you have to draw the line and it’s like “not using” or “using”. It’s one of the two, you know what I mean? There’s nothing in between for using opioids and heroin.
Matt: No.
Greg: It’s either you’re using or you’re not, and you have to stop telling yourself that, “Well, I could just do it one more time,” or, “I can just do it this once, then I’ll stop again,” because I’ve told myself that a hundred times.
Matt: “I need it for a job interview.”
Greg: Right.
Matt: “I need it for” … Yeah, you’ll make rationalizations.
Greg: “I’ve been doing really good. I didn’t use it for a whole week.”
Matt: “This will actually help me get through today.”
Greg: Right.
Matt: “And then I’ll be good.” Yeah. There’s just so many downsides to relapsing. Again, like Greg said, you have to just remember that it’s no longer an option. No matter how that little heroin voice in your head tries to make you feel like it will be okay to use just once today or whatever, long-term it’s going to set you back ages.
Greg: Yeah, heroin or opioids. Obviously, we both used tons of different opioids Percocet, [inaudible 00:02:19] and all that stuff. It’s the same thing and again it goes back to are you going to use or not? If you really want to quit, you can’t keep tricking yourself and telling yourself, “One more time,” or, “Well I’ve been doing good. Well this will be the last time.” All of those are just excuses. I’ve told myself those excuses a hundred times like I’ve said, and it wasn’t until I was finally like, “All right, there is no more excuses. I’m done, that’s it, so I finally quit.”
Greg: The other thing you got to think is what are you trading. You’re trading feeling good for a couple of hours to totally start over again. For those of you especially who’ve been doing good for a week, two weeks, three weeks, a month, whatever the case is, “Um, I’m just going to use one more time. I’m just going to do one more time, I’ve been doing good.” Guess what? You just totally restarted, because that you’re likely going to put yourself right back to the beginning and you’re likely going to fall right back in that cycle and start using it again every day. It happened to us countless times.
Matt: I mean that’s best case scenario.
Greg: Yeah.
Matt: If you’re a month away and you used what Greg just explained, what that happens set you back, blah blah, blah … That is the absolute best case scenario of what can happen. What we’re seeing now is people aren’t waking up.
Greg: Yeah. It’s very true.
Matt: I mean, that could be your last shot and it’s … There’s a lot that goes into it. You’ve built up a tolerance over every day use after a while, now who knows what they’re cutting it with, [Fentanyl or co fentanyl 00:03:44], which you can literally just touch your skin with it and it’ll be enough to have you OD. A lot of the unfortunate stories that we see just in the news, on social media, people that Greg and I know that are dying every single day, a lot of times is like, “Shit, he was clean for like … I thought he was doing well, he was good.”
Greg: “He was good.”
Matt: “He was good for a month.”
Greg: “His pictures were good. And position on Facebook, they looked healthy and all that. But man, thought they were doing good.”
Matt: It takes one slip up and if the cards aren’t lined up right, it’s your last shot.
Greg: Yeah. I think it is if you’re thinking about using, you just got to think deeper. What are you really doing? Do you really want to quit? Just know that you’re tricking yourself because it’s not just one more time, it’s not just, “You know, I’ve been doing good,” it not a reward, it either you’re quitting or you’re not quitting. You got to make that … Kind of turn that switch on in your head where it’s like, “I’m done. It is not an option. I’m not going to do it no matter what.” That’s the point you have to go to that, that’s where I had to go to. There’s literally a switch I hit in my head when I went on the methadone. Halfway in I finally started coming off, then I was like, “That is it.” [inaudible 00:05:01] my son was [inaudible 00:05:02], “He’s not going to see me live type of lifestyle, I don’t want him to see me going to the methadone clinic and I’m done. That’s it.” I kind of hit that switch and it was done.
Matt: The other thing is yeah, there can be tough time times on the road to recovery, but you have to remember that those tough times and when you have to make those tough decisions of not making that phone call to go pick something up, not hitting the [inaudible 00:05:27] to try to go find something. And you overcome that every single time you make the right decision to not use, it gets easier and you just bank them up. It’s like you’re putting a brick in your big ass wall and heroin’s going to be on the other side of it. Every time you’re making a good decision, you’re strengthening that wall and strengthening that wall. It gets easier every time until you’re not even letting … It’s not even crossing your mind, you’re not even thinking about it, because you know you’ve build up so many of those good decisions and you have such a strong foundation to live the rest of your life in such a healthy, positive way that using once is not going to be worth it. It’s just every little decision and the first couple of times that you have to be tempted with it or tempted to make that phone call or whatever, those are the hardest ones. Once you make the right decision enough times, it’s just clockwork.
Greg: Yeah.
Matt: It just makes it easier.
Greg: Just fuck heroin. Fuck ’em, fuck opioids, you know what I mean? Fuck that shit, it’s not going to do anything for you. Just got to be like, “Man, fuck you.” Just put it down, you’re done with it, you’re going to start living in a positive direction. Man, it’s the best advice that I can give. It’s not going to do anything good for you, you just can’t trick yourself.
Matt: Yeah, you just got to stay on the path, keep moving, keep moving along. You’re going to have people, places, triggers, whatever, that are going to kind of whisper in your ear that you should use again. Just again, fuck them too.
Greg: Yeah.
Matt: Keep your eyes forward, put the blinders on, keep doing your thing.
Greg: Yes, so again if you’re thinking about using, hopefully this helped. If you have any more questions, let us know. Again, if you’re thinking about using, just think. Just think about what you’re doing, take a minute, think about it. Don’t just go right to using. And a really quick story before we end this. I don’t know if any of you ever seen Bloodline, but I told you about this, you’ve never seen it.
Matt: Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Greg: So there’s a younger brother who’s an alcoholic, my wife’s an alcoholic, she’s recovered now, she’s over a year clean. And we’re watching this scene, he comes in and he’s been clean for a month. He comes in, he’s like out a stressful situation at work, he comes in to a back area, it’s like a closet and he brings out this bottle of liquor and puts it on a table and he just stares at it, and he shakes his head, “No.” And you all you see is the camera focusing in on the battle and him walking away, but the camera stayed there so me and my wife were like, “No, don’t do it. Don’t do it.” And all you see is him running back, open the bottle, chugging it back, slipping down and is like, “Fuck! Fuck!” And what happened was he didn’t stop and think.
Matt: Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Greg: All he did is he went off like … He just went, he just went grabbed it, chugged it back and immediately he knew that he fucked up and that’s kind of what I did so many times with opioids.
Matt: Oh dude.
Greg: And even her, she was like, “I’ve done that so many times.” Like yeah.
Matt: Like yeah.
Greg: You just do it. So you’ve got to stop and think before you do something like that. Don’t just go and do something, stop and think about it.
Matt: Yeah, it’ll pay off long run. It’s going to be some hard decisions, but you guys just slow your brain down a little bit, think about what you’re doing and you’ll be good to go.
Greg: All right, cool. Hopefully this helped. Again, we’ll see you all in the next video.
